Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Shop Girl Under Attack

On Easter Sunday I received a mail from someone in my facebook group.
A certain young Californian with a photoshop twinkle in his eye.
Please get a life, he wrote, because the one you’re writing about isn’t that interesting.Oh, I thought, taken aback.
My first hate mail hadn’t come at the best of times.
I’d been feeling uncertain all week; sniffing my sleeve a lot and waiting for a soppy text message that would never come.
He’s right, I thought woefully.
I was hardly a lion tamer.
Lunch was a sandwich, not monkey brains.
I didn’t get attacked by wild animals on the way to work, and if there were any, I could always get the bus.
So, yes, I was just a boring little shop girl who occasionally sold light bulbs.
It was time I wrote something exciting.
Perhaps I could get electrocuted while I was showing someone a light.
Or fall off my ladder onto someone’s dog.
Between the electric shock and flattening the dog I’d get a trauma that would leave me without feeling in my fingers.
The dog owner would sue me of my last pound and I’d no longer be able to pay the rent for the shop.
I’d be left at home stringing crystal with my elbows while Mum rebuilt the business from scratch.
I brushed away a tear and read on.
Additionally your relentless Messages clog up my Inbox.“Oh,” I murmured, sinking further into my seat.
Perhaps writing weekly was too much.
Perhaps every two weeks was more than enough.
What if everyone was feeling the same?
I could just write one blog a month if people preferred.
Or perhaps it was best not to write one at all.
No wonder you people lost the Colonies, he continued.
“Oh,” I gasped, “the colonies.”
I felt confused as well as dispirited.
I wasn’t quite sure how he’d drawn this conclusion.
Neither did I know what colonies he was actually talking about.
All I knew was that if this man was right, then a lot of historians had wasted a lot of time researching when they could’ve just read my blog.
And don’t bother messaging me back because I’ll delete it unread, he wrote.
What had I done to make him so angry? I wondered. What could I do to pacify him?
And, I'm dumping you as one of my groups or blog memberships or fan page or whatever it is that you're inflicting on us.I just couldn’t understand why he was telling me like this.
Why had he waited so long before leaving?
In fact, why had he joined my group at all if my writing so disturbed him.
He ended with the same energy with which he began.
Seriously, you are one of the most uninteresting and mundane people I’ve ever encountered.For a while, I sat at my computer wide-eyed.
For a while, the doubting cells fed themselves and multiplied.
I sniffed my sleeve and waited for a soppy text message that would never come.
And then I saw I had a choice.
So, no, I’m not a lion tamer.
But I am a writer
And I’m afraid I’m going to keep on writing.


The Lady Miss Jo Jo said...

The person who sent that message sounds like a complete arse: don't let people like him put you off. I love reading your blog, so I'm glad you're going to continue.

(We've met, by the way - I used to live round the corner from your shop, and worked with your cousin.)

cateness said...

What a pratt, I also love your blog, I don't think you update often enough! Yours is the only one that I read on a regular basis, please don't stop and don't sell the shop!

Shirley, DownUnder said...

The twat is envious of your writing talent. He's the one who needs to get a life. I LOVE reading your amusing, well-written, witty stories and I'm always looking forward to more. So don't let the dingbat get you down!

Keep smiling - it suits you.

Piera Lizzeri said...

Like i said he is just jealous and shows his own ignorance by not being able to spot brilliance when it slaps him in his inbox!


The Date said...

Only famous people get hate mail. Or you can make it your Arch-enemy! only super-heros have them.
Love you

Max said...

This is a super late reaction I know, but can I just say that I actually burst out laughing at the whole 'thats why you people lost the colonies' bit? I mean.. come on.. that was funny, right? His whole email was incredibly stupid but that just pushed it over the ledge into incredibly moronic! Hee Hee!
And I agree, hate mail is a good sign! ;)

Vicky Victorious said...

Yes, he's clearly trying to write his own blog and is supremely jealous. Competitive ninkompoop. I am currently observing and avoiding this kind of idiotic behaviour in other people. Sorry to join the paty so late, I've only just discovered your blog. It's fab. Please write more.

Joanna said...

Well I just joined your facebook group, so one leaves, another arrives :) I am loving it! It's so funny! It was recommended to me by a distant cousin who is from NZ but lives in the UK. And I'm from NZ and live in the States.
Keep up the wonderful writing - it's so entertaining. I just love your style!!

ShopGirl said...

Hi all,
I don't usually comment on my own blog, but I want you to know that it meant so much to me reading your comments!
Thank you so much for your wonderful support, it was such a boost.
I look forward to sharing more of 'Shop Girl' with you , including a short film and the book (Shop Girl Diaries) to be published by Salt Publishing later this year (if I hurry up and finish it!)
I'll keep you posted.
Lots of Love, Emily xxx

Lisa Stockton said...

That sounds like a total jerk. Just always bare this in mind, everytime you're doing the wrong thing, people always talks shit, but when you're doing great, they still talks shit trying to pull you down. So just forget about it, and smile.