Yesterday morning I was concerned I’d developed agoraphobia.
You see, it’s very comfortable in this apartment.
Everything is soft and clean.
There is plenty of food and the bathroom is lovely.
Beyond the apartment there are roads you have to cross and people trying to sell you stuff.
There are young boys selling black plastic bags, adults sorting through rubbish, acrobats performing at traffic lights…
Every time I step outside I realize how easy I’ve got it, which makes me feel ashamed and confused, and brings me to the inevitable conclusion that humans are selfish bastards.
“Speak for yourself!” you may say.
After all I’m the one hiding in the apartment.
Ironically, seeing people struggling to make ends meet puts me right off shopping.
As if not spending money will help anyone!
Even if I did fancy a shopping spree the Shop Girls here are so sticky they put me off it.
They chase you around the shop like an episode of Tom n’ Jerry.
But perhaps my mind is playing tricks.
The less you see for real, the more you imagine.
Luckily, the Fiancé is not the sort to watch me develop a mental disease.
He takes me outside and walks me to a lovely park.
There are lofty palm trees and a huge eucalyptus.
I feel relieved as we sit side by side in the quiet.
When I travelled to South America with my friend three years ago, we never stopped more than a couple of days in a city.
We preferred the countryside, opting for excursions in the mountains rather than museums tours.
Cities take some getting used to and can be daunting.
Still, the mind can be scarier than the outside.
I’ll wander soon.
I just need time.