The Last of My Twenties

I turned 29 on Friday.

Two days prior I’d lain in bed staring up at the ceiling, feeling dissatisfied by this turn of events

Why did it bother me so much? I suppose I felt I hadn’t really worn out 28, or for that matter, 27. It seemed a bit wasteful, like throwing that plastic spoon away after one little stir of your takeaway coffee.

It’s a condition, getting grumpy about birthdays, passed on from my Dad. He doesn’t think much of aging. In fact he laughs in its face as does my 94 year old grandmother who has never displayed a grey hair in her life.

‘You can’t do much about it,’ people say. But I’m not so sure. A woman who used to work in our shop was 59 for six, long years so clearly she knew something.

I could have a baby at this age and it wouldn’t even be a shock. That shocks me.

What would I do if I had a baby?  

Write baby books?

If you think about it, being the target market a baby would be able to give me great tips. I’d have to decipher their gurgles of course but I’m sure there’s a self-published, ‘How to interpret your Baby’s Gurgles’ on kindle that I could download.  

I’m always curious to hear how writers cope with writing and looking after children.  I’ve got an image of a Big-Me and Mini-Me working side by side, me at big desk, Mini-Me at tiny desk and we’re both scribbling. Of course there is no nappy changing and the only one doing the crying is me, because I’m stuck on a chapter. Mini-Me is holding it together very nicely in fact. 

Wishful thinking? Not really. I’ve said it before I don’t want a child of mine chasing a career in the arts. No one wants to bring up a tortured soul, do they?

Back to the sad topic at hand: the last of my twenties and how I’m going to deal with it. My plan is to buy a sword, wear green for the foreseeable future, befriend a male fairy called Tinkerballs and fight pirates. Yes, it sounds pretty failure proof to me too.

If you’ve got any better suggestions, let me know.  

Before I embark on my end of twenties crisis however, I’m going to The States to spend my first Christmas ever away from home. This year I’ll be spending it with my husband’s family which is exciting as they know how to have a good time.

I’m sure we’ll do very Christmassy things like cut down a tree, wear garish knitwear and spike Santa’s milk. So, if you don’t hear from me here, you now know it’s either because I’m caught up in fairy lights or chasing Pirates around The White House with a sawn off pine tree.

I will continue to be showing signs of life on Wattpad with regular updates of my serialised novel SPRAY PAINTED BANANAS and as a Guest blogger for Mslexia Magazine.

So, toodle-pip for now and may your Christmas be full of pleasant surprises.