Covid-19 Diaries - Lockdown Day 4

"Parque wee-wee?" Sol asks, pointing towards the kids' park which we can see from our terrace. A 'wee-wee' is a swing. It's what I say when I push her. "The park is closed. We can't go down there," I say, feeling sorry.

She doesn't understand. She keeps looking at the park. Eventually she blows a kiss at it. My heart hurts a little.

We're lucky to have a hammock strung up on our terrace. She doesn't want to go in it in this morning, but she's happy to push her owl in it for a while.

It's day four of lockdown and still cloudy. The grey weather doesn't seem normal for Mallorca. It feels like time has been suspended; as if Spring has paused. But then I notice the birds in the pine trees to the side of the terrace. Wood pigeons, blackbirds, sparrows... I even see a hoopoe swoop by with its punky black and white crest. They are not suspended. Life continues but we have stopped being the centre of it. Dolphins have been spotted at Cagliari Port in Sardinia since the traffic has stopped. Maybe for two weeks they can enjoy the spotlight.

Our moods are a little cloudy, too. Energy levels are low. My husband has a cold. We don't think it's anything more ominous. Despite there being so much time, Sol doesn't manage to nap. We open up her UV-protection tent in the living room. I worry we're pulling all the stops out too early. What are we going to do if quarantine extends for a month as is being suggested in the papers?  

Later we hang up a baby bouncer in the doorway which we were given and didn't use when she was a baby. We hang it up in a doorway high so her feet can't touch the floor and then we push her back and forward. I make her little toy mouse swoop through the air and kiss her on the nose.  Each time she smiles it feels like winning a point. Her giggles make me glow.

In the evening, as we are bathing her, it dawns on that it's okay if it can't be fun for her all the time. There will be dull moments. Dull hours even. But it's okay. Without constant stimulus we are being forced to build a world within.

We can't see it now. It's a building site. A work in progress. But it's growing. In these quiet days, far from being suspended, we are all growing.

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