Triple Flu Jump

Picture from eluniversal.com.co

‘What better time for your immune system to break down but during the Olympics.’

This wasn’t a quote from a sarcastic athlete but a facebook status I noticed.

As I lay limply on the sofa for the 6th day in my own flu soup, it dawned on me that this person had a point.

If I’d been sick at any other time, I would be watching ‘Murder She Wrote.’

At least with the Olympics, I still feel connected to society.   

For the first few days, I felt connected to the athletes too, as my joints ached as if I’d done every sport that they had.  

Of course until yesterday I hadn’t come close to doing any exercise, opting for a bath over a shower so I didn’t even have to stand up.  

But yesterday I did get involved in vigorously flapping my hands and blowing at the telly.

It was the triple jump and Caterine Ibarguen of Colombia was in with a chance of a medal.

The problem was her competitors were drawing ever closer to her highest score.

I was concerned that Caterine smiled when she did a bad jump and looked annoyed when she did a great one.  Had she lost the plot?

My husband, the Colombian element in my life, was nervous and excited. I was equally altered.

‘We have to create counter wind!’ I cried, as a dangerous competitor got up to take a run-up.

It wasn’t very sportsmanship like, but we started sweeping our hands towards the telly in the hopes of creating a bit of wind resistance.

It was silly perhaps but since the athlete’s jump got a red flag, my superstitions were cemented.

I couldn’t stop now. What if the next athlete did a huge jump? I would only have myself to blame.

For every jump after that, I flapped my arms, blew and created tropical rainstorms.  

On her last jump, Caterine secured a silver medal.  

Finally I could flop back onto the sofa, coughing and spluttering; another productive day in sick city.  

Hooked on the Olympics

Oh no! Too late!

The chances of me writing this blog were already slim.

I knew it would have to be written while still in pyjamas and before the television had been switched on. 

But too late – the box is on and hundreds of different sports are calling me.

I knew I was flirting with danger when yesterday I found myself glued to the swimming heats.

If I was happy watching those, then clearly I was going to be happy watching everything.

And so I did watch everything.  

Judo, rowing, volley ball, fencing, cycling, ping pong...

It didn’t matter who or what they were playing!

Naturally I’m going to be more excited when there’s a Spaniard, Brit or Colombian involved but I can quickly adopt a team and offer my vocal support, shouting at the telly with relish.  

Yesterday I barely moved from the sofa, so hooked was I on the Olympics.

I only escaped for a moment for a friend's leaving drinks.

There I spoke briefly to a journalist who was disappointed not to be covering the Games.

She was stuck with Syria. It was boring, she said.     

I felt ashamed then. It really is a case of ‘Panem et Circenses’ isn’t it? Bread and Circus!

All problems are pushed to one side while we’re entertained with endless performances of strength, speed and stamina. 

But I don't want to dampen your spirits.

Inspiration is a precious thing and there’ll be a lot of it absorbed by osmosis via television screens during this Olympics.

Dedication, discipline, self-belief - they don’t just apply to sports.

They apply to whatever it is you want to achieve.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to achieve much at all today.

I fear I’m going to find myself in exactly the same position as yesterday.

Beware of Olympic Spirit Snatchers

My Proposed Outfit for the Olympics

On Friday night I watched the BBC’s ‘Olympics Most Amazing Moments’.

It included moments of victory and agony and it succeeded in getting me excited about the Games where the propaganda has failed.

An advert telling me to ‘BE EXCITED!’ doesn’t work. You’ve got to be moved and watching Derek Redgrave being helped to the finish line by his father or Kerri Strug land a vault with a sprained ankle so she wouldn’t let her team down, well, that passion can tug at your heart strings.

Watching the programme made me think of Sport’s Days in my school. I remember when I was little being determined to prepare for it.

Our garden had a small patio space sheltered by an overgrown jasmine and a line of paving stones marking a path to the back door. I took my skipping rope and began to skip. But alas every loop got  tangled in the jasmine bush so I soon gave up.

I was good at running but hopeless at the sports that required strength. It dawned on me then that I needed to practice shot put. So I picked up a rock from the garden and stood on the patio steps by the back door. I pressed it against my neck and I lunged it across the garden.

The rock landed smack bang in the middle of one of the paving stones and cracked it into  pieces.

Shocked, I went inside the house, locked the door and never practised for Sport’s Day again.

I’m capable of getting excited about the Olympics. I’m also capable of getting very angry about the brand protection officials who are killing the spirit of the event and penalising small business for showing any initiative.

I’m talking about a florist who was threatened with a £20,000 fine for displaying Olympics Rings made of tissue paper. An 81 year old woman who was told to withdraw her £1.00 hand-knitted Olympic Doll’s outfit from a Church charity fundraising sale and ‘Cafe Olympic’ in Stratford having to change its name, to quote just a few.  

Coca-Cola, Cadbury’s and MacDonalds - Ring any bells?

These are three of the poor, struggling sponsors threatened by so-called ‘brand confusion’.

Feel free to take a moment to laugh at the ridiculousness of fizzy drinks, chocolate and junk food companies supporting a sporting event. I hate to break it to them, but world champions don't succeed by eating their products.

I accept that for investing millions it is fair that only their products be sold at the stadium. But this nasty, over-zealous policing is a disgrace to local inhabitants

Frankly, it’s put me off the brands in question. If I had managed to get tickets for the Olympics I would head to the stadium munching on some Divine chocolate and wearing a Pepsi t-shirt and a hat with the yellow arches in a prohibition circle.

And if they dared tell me to remove my shirt or unwrap my chocolate bar, I would know that England isn’t the free, democratic country it’s made out to be.

The Olympics is about celebrating the incredible efforts of individuals as team athletes.

It’s great that these huge companies want to support the Games but please get them off the podium.

The Olympic Pressure Ride

Picture from Cycle Info

Thanks to the Mayor of London my life is at risk.

Tube fares are due to increase by 8% which means I’ll shortly be forced to ride a bicycle.

My last memory of being on a bike, I was about twelve years old and struggling up a hill behind my brother.

The pedals were clearly cemented in position. I was going so slowly my bike was falling to one side.

‘Leave me here! I can’t go on!’ I sobbed. ‘Just go! Save yourself!’

My teenage brother had to deal with my whimpering for a good hour. It was the longest journey of his life.

In a city of eight million, hills are the least of my concern.

Cars scare me and buses scare me. Even confident cyclists scare me.

But most of all, Elephant & Castle roundabout scares me.

Crossing this roundabout as a pedestrian is a feat in itself as you have to orientate yourself through its underbelly of spooky subways.

I shudder when I think of going around it on wheels.

Today I saw a government poster encouraging the public to get back into cycling.

The poster showed three smiling children and their smiling father, cycling up a tree-lined pathway. I don’t believe there is a tree-lined pathway linking my house to any of the places I need to go on a weekly basis.

The price rise is to fund transport improvements in preparation for the Olympics.

I have never been bah humbug about The Games coming to London, but this crippling increase doesn’t seem fair at all, especially since the majority of Londoners were unable to secure tickets.

Frankly, in the spirit of the Olympics, visitors should have to run everywhere.

London transport is already the most expensive in Europe.

If it goes up any more then we must take a stand. That won’t be hard in rush hour.