Friday 26 September 2014

7 Completely *Unbiased Reasons Why You Should Read The Temp

There are so many books being launched every day and you're probably wondering why you should buy mine. To help you, I've written down some reasons why you should take the leap. As the author, you'll agree that I'm totally unbiased.

1. Obscure Setting 

The novel is set in a little known place called, London. You've probably never heard of it. I'd never heard of it until I checked my location on Google Maps. There must only be a handful of books set in this unusual place. My novel offers free tourism around the city, seeing alternative sites such as Big Ben, The Tower of London and Buckingham Palace.

2. Contains Bananas   

Did you know bananas contain high levels of potassium? 

Of course you did.  It's what your Mum used as an argument to make you eat them. Even though you had no idea what potassium was, you were persuaded, because it sounded a bit like a super power.  

Before you accuse me of false advertising, I'll admit you can't actually eat the bananas in the book. Not because they're fictional, which doesn't help, but because most of them have either been dowsed in bleach or spray painted.  Just read the novel and it'll all make sense.

3. Features Work by *Future Poet Laureate  

Worried my novel might be substandard? 

Don't. There are at least five lines in it which will be brilliant thanks to collaboration from the winner of the Cardiff International Poetry Prize, Isabel Rogers

*I can't guarantee she'll be the future poet laureate, of course... but you may as well buy the book in advance so you can say you'd read her years before she became the chosen one.

4. There's a Human Egg in it! 

Nah, not really! I'm just copying The Sun's sensationalist headline style. Haven't you seen the book cover? It's hardly going to be Sci-Fi.

Egg, or Egbert, is just the main character's flatmate who I'm rather fond of. He's in a re-enactment group and he's self-published the book, It's An Egg Life. Don't google it, I haven't written it for him yet.

5. So they let me write more stuff 

The thing is, if you buy this book, then my publisher will want me to write more books, and if I write more books then I might be able to do this for a proper living one day. 

Please? Look how cute I am!

*False advertising alert*-  I'm not actually a cat.  

6. There's a cute kitten in it 

Disappointed I'm not a cat? 

You'll be heartened to know that The Temp does have a kitten in it. He's called Rupert. It's the first time I've written a cat into a book. Previously I was worried about the hairs interfering with the text. 

7. Cheap as Chips 

I don't know how much chips are in your neck of the woods, but The Temp Part 1 is only 49p and if your local chips are cheaper than that, well, maybe they aren't chips!

If you live in London, then your chips will probably be the same price as the paperback...  

Whatever the price of your chips, or whether bananas improve your mood or not, I just hope that if you decide to buy it, that you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it! 

Thanks for all your support!  

Yes, you've convinced me! I want to Buy The Temp!


Lindsay said...

Another good reason to read this is because it's funny. If you've ever thought a piece of conceptual art or an installation was rubbish (and there was one that was actually a bag of rubbish)then this book is for you. If you enjoy a bit of light-hearted romance then this book is for you.

Emily Benet said...

Thank you Lindsay! Can you be my publicist please? You're wonderful!

Julie said...

haha, this list is awesome!! and holy smokes, for 49p, how can you go wrong....

Emily Benet said...

Well exactly @Julie Crawford, how could you go wrong? Although, that's only for the first part... but by the time you've read that, you'll be informed enough to know whether buying second part will be wrong... so it's a win win!

and breathe...

Thanks for reading. I love your blog.

Unknown said...

I have pre=ordered the full sherbang (sp?) Am loving Shop Girl Diaries so much that I am using it as medicine to cheer myself up. Knowing The Temp is on its way means I don't have to ration myself so strictly!!

Emily Benet said...

Thanks so much for buying the whole *sherbang (*said it loads, never written it). So chuffed you're enjoying Shop Girl Diaries too - if you could leave a review on amazon I'd be eternally grateful! And don't worry, after The Temp, there'll be another book :)