Mission Accomplished: 1 Serialised Novel

Today I finished my serialised novel after four months, 83,000 words, two notebooks and approximately four packs of post-its. It has been the best experience I've ever had writing.

Seriously, you can't write  Spray Painted Bananas and feel miserable while you're doing it. That said, the last chapter nearly killed me. It was fun, NOT easy!

One part of my brain feels burnt out and the other is buzzing. I'm thrilled by all the positive comment pouring in and excited by the counter which has reached 340,000 hits. But while this is all wonderful, I have also noticed that people keep asking the same question: What are you writing next?

Next?! I cry. You mean I have to write ANOTHER novel?

Now?

And yet it's not such a crazy idea really, is it? That's what writers do.

My husband is particularly pleased that I've completed this novel so quickly.

'That means you can write three novels a year!' he said.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Not happening. Speed isn't everything, my friend. I don't want to write War and Peace, but I don't want to write comics either.

I'm pleased though. When I began this challenge I trusted that it would come together. But I didn't expect to create something I would become so fond of.

 

I think it's the most complete novel I have written to date. And best of all it has a REAL spray painted banana on the front cover, which would look very fetching on the shelves of Waterstones or even better, on the screen of my local ODEON.

 

Alright I think I'll stop there. I'll need some imagination for the next book.

 

 Start Reading Spray Painted Bananas.

 

                               

Above, the book trailer I illustrated when I was still plotting. I originally was going to call the novel 'Spray Painting Bananas' until someone said it sounded like a 'How to..'!

How to Write a Serialized Novel

Materials Required: Cork board, post-its, map pins, pens,
mug of hot liquid, laptop

Prepare – Write a big chunk of the book before you post the first chapter. Otherwise you risk being unable to produce Chapter 2 which could lead to an inferiority complex and the belief that you're a useless writer with no ideas. The latter may be true but there’s no need to let the world know.

Get out of bed – Obvious and yet often quite tricky. You must resist the urge to melt into the warm embrace of your partner, cat, dog, chimp, water bottle, pillow... Do not be fooled by the voice, inner or otherwise, that calls out for ‘Five more minutes’. Before you know it 5 minutes have turned into an hour of strange dreams and your writing slot has come and gone. Remind yourself that the reward of completing a serialized novel will be much greater than a few more minutes cuddling someone or something that you may well be cuddling for the rest of your life anyway.  

Fuel – Put the kettle on while your computer is warming up. A hot tea will replace the cuddles you have sacrificed by getting up early. Tea, in this case, refers to any hot liquid in a mug, including coffee, perfumed herbal stuff (although I can’t recommend it) and water with something in it, like a floating lemon, slice of orange or spoon of honey. Don’t be too imaginative, you need to save your imagination  for your upcoming chapters.

Write  - The first hour is crucial. Do not check your mail, do not tweet, do no comment on banal facebook statuses, do not comment on interesting facebook statuses, do not ‘like’ anything. Write. Write. Write. Don’t edit, don’t reread. Don't play about with the font. Don't text people to tell them that you finally did it, you finally got up early to write. Just write damn it! 

Edit –  Edit a chapter a couple of days before you post it. For the purpose of continuity you might need to read the whole book from time to time. It might be that you've forgotten your character is supposed to have a limp, in which case you’ll need to reinstate it (he’ll forgive you in time).

Trust – Your pre-written chunk of novel provides a buffer when you get stuck. When this unhappy time comes and you’re staring at a blank screen with tears in your eyes and demons in your mind, keep calm. ‘Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen,’ said the essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson (along with a bunch of other people on twitter). You have committed to this project and you will finish it. Sit on the floor with your cork board of post-its and trust that an idea will come.

My serialized novel SPRAY PAINTED BANANAS is live on Wattpad.com 

I post chapters every Monday and Thursday.

Launch of Serialised Novel: Spray Painted Bananas

My serialised novel Spray Painted Bananas launches today on Wattpad.com

It's a romantic comedy about Amber, a broke temp working in a catering firm in London, who after years of scrounging free wine from wacky art gallery openings with her best friend Farrell, decides there’s no reason she can’t become a conceptual artist herself. 

I'll be posting 2 chapters to begin with and then one chapter per week. 

Please come and find me on Wattpad and VOTE if you'd like me to continue the story!

Excerpt:

Chapter 1

There comes a point in your life when you can’t go on being scared. For me that point comes regularly, most often after my third glass of free wine. I say ‘free’ because I do most of my drinking at posh gallery openings. I stand in the middle of them, look around me at all the glamorous individuals muttering appreciatively and I pretend I’m in my natural environment. I pretend I’m an art collector and select pieces for my many rooms in my many mansions, and then I get the bus home.

If Londoners complain that booze is too expensive it’s because they’re not making the effort to track down the free stuff. There must be a show opening every evening of the week in this city and as long as you can stomach a bit of pretentious chatter then you can succeed in having an entertaining and cheap night out.

My partner in crime tonight is my best friend Farrell. He works part-time in a book shop and is as broke as I am. Pretending to acknowledge the striking composition of a randomly placed chair or the depth of meaning of some paint-splattered socks suspended from the ceiling is a small sacrifice to pay for a few complimentary beverages. We’d volunteer our comments if it meant getting free nibbles, but unfortunately the art industry seems to survive on a liquid diet only. And also no one particularly wants our comments.

Tonight the artist’s chosen materials are thick paint and reclaimed plywood. Plywood which has been reclaimed from skips, though judging by the state of them I’d be more inclined to say reclaimed from war zones. It’s the most traditional exhibition we’ve seen in ages. There’s still a concept thrown in though; there’s always got to be a concept typed up and displayed on a wall to be mulled over for months to come. Farrell and I prefer to make them up as we walk around.

A lot of strange things make it into galleries. Frankly I don’t know what went wrong with creating something you might actually want to put in your living room. I like landscapes but a landscape in the world of conceptual art could be anything from a peanut on a stick to a video of a talking meringue.  

The show is called Life & Death of a Ghost and is made up of five paintings on rough sheets of plywood and a stuffed chicken. The artist, who goes by the name of ‘Ghost’ has only used two colours, grey and green. Contrary to what you’d expect, the greener the subject the more dead they are supposed to be. The chicken is a grey lump. This means the chicken is alive. And yet it is stuffed. 

Continue reading on Wattpad...

How (Not) To Make a Book Trailer

                   

Once I’d decided to take on the challenge to write a serialised novel I knew I needed a book trailer. Words aren’t enough anymore. Writers need to know how to use images, audio and special effects to promote their work.

The problem is I had no idea how to make a video.

I spent a whole Sunday fiddling about with Windows Movie Maker and had nothing to show for it at the end.

‘You’re not supposed to know how to make one,’ my husband said, trying to make me feel better about what I felt was a complete and utter waste of a day.

But I wanted to know! 

'I'm not aiming for an Oscar!' I said. 'Just a basic video with pictures moving to a bit of music...'

Do you often hear yourself saying, ‘I’m not technically-minded’? Do you say it when you secretly want to be technically- minded? Well, don’t say it anymore because the more you say it the harder it will be to change. Open up to the possibility and you might just surprise yourself!

Thanks to Paul Carroll’s article in Writing Magazine, I learnt about Kevin Macleod and FMA (Free Music Archive) where I could browse through thousands of tunes to use for my video.  

Great! I had music but no pictures.

I realised after that frustrating Sunday that I was never going to find free pictures to illustrate the idea I had in my head.  

Not willing to be defeated, I began to draw.

I only draw once a year usually and that’s in August just before my Dad’s birthday. He’s been collecting my homemade cards since I was little and they make him so happy that I can’t possibly stop now. 

Step 1 I drew

Step 2 I scanned the drawing into my computer

Step 3 I edited them in Paint (colouring in with a mouse can be very tedious so background music is essential, a glass of wine helps too).
Step 4 I added pictures to the easy-to-use timeline.

Paint is old-school I know, but I wasn’t going to wait around until I’d learned Photoshop. You've got to start somewhere.

I loved making it and although it’s not very polished or professional, I think it captures the mood I’ve been in since starting Spray Painting Bananas: 

Upbeat and happy!

My first chapter should be out on Monday 15^th October on wattpad.com – so sign up and come find me!

  
Meanwhile I hope you enjoy my lovingly-made book trailer:

                    

If you like it, share it! 

New Challenge: A Serialised Novel

I’ve accepted a challenge to write a serialised novel.

If I manage to come up with 35,000 words by the beginning of November my book will be featured on Wattpad, which is a huge online platform for writers.

Normally that amount of words would take me about 6 months so I’m excited but also quaking in my socks.  

The book is about Amber, a feisty young woman on a mission to blag her way into the bizarre world of Conceptual Art; her plan, of course, being to grab some fame and fortune.

The novel will be a light, upbeat romantic comedy, unless the pressure gets to me, in which case I’ll start killing off characters. 

To be honest, my plotting has barely begun but I have a cork board and post-it notes so there’s hope.

I don’t know why I think I can pull a novel out of my pocket in a few weeks but I believe in saying ‘Yes’ when an opportunity arises.  

If my blog starts to look neglected, now you'll know why.

But I won’t be away for long.  

The first chapter of  Spray Painting Bananas has already been written. Now I need a book cover.

To read my serialised novel, you'll need to sign up and find me on Wattpad which is quick and completely free. Once registered, you'll be able to browse through a huge variety of stories and novels.

I'll let you know when my first chapter is up.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!