Nothing prepares you
for the death of a loved one. It's been three weeks since my father-in-law died
so unexpectedly and I still don't really believe he's gone.
I'm heading home from
Colombia tomorrow. I want to slide under soft sheets and sleep until the New
Year. But the universe has made this impossible by presenting me with an innovative writing project which involves deadlines and actual payment. Life it
seems, must go on, however unbearable it seems to those grieving.
My father-in-law's
passing has shaken me. He was only 73. My grandfather, who died in February,
lived to 91. My grandmother celebrated her 92nd birthday with us in Mallorca a
couple of months ago, and laughs like she'll live forever. I always assumed
everyone I loved would live at least to their nineties.
In September the four
of us, my husband and my parents-in-law, spent a wonderful month together in
Spain. In Mallorca we swam in the sea, ate delicious food every day and made up
for all the distance that had been separating us. In Jerez we became experts in sherry; in Seville we caught a rare
peek of street Flamenco.
Everyone tells us now
how happy my father-in-law had been after that trip. He returned home renewed and with a fresh
enthusiasm to travel and enjoy life. He told his wife, my brilliant
mother-in-law, that she should give up work and that they should spend their
next years together having fun. How
cruel it seems. The only comfort is that his death was swift and painless, and he was a healthy man until the end.
I miss my
father-in-law. He was a kind man. A calm man, who didn't fuss or stress. He was
curious about life and always learning; interested in what you were doing and
supportive. If you didn't know something, he would be straight on Google!
Like
my husband, he always seemed to weave his way through the bureaucracy of daily
life without getting flustered or angry.
Patient. The only thing that
threatened his calm was Bogota traffic, but after experiencing Bogota traffic, you would sympathise. He was better at organising a trip than any travel agency. He knew that life was for living and he lived it with a great
appetite. All these qualities, he's passed onto my husband, for which I'm so
grateful.
I look at my husband
now and I want to engrave each moment in eternity.
If my father-in-law's
death has taught me anything, it's that we must live life fully now. Enjoy it. Don't waste it all thinking and planning for the future. Choose experience over possessions! Don't wait
until you're retired to embark on the life you dream of. Don't put off what you
could be doing today if it's something important to you.
It seems to me that the lesson
of death is to live. To live with all your heart.
Rest in Peace my dear father-in-law