Friday, 18 January 2013

Em, aren't you being a hypocrite?



Blog: Em, aren't you being a bit of a hypocrite?

Emily: Why's that?

Blog: Don't you tell everyone in your blog workshops to write regularly?

Emily: Yes...

Blog: So, you are being a hypocrite.

Emily: But I do write regularly. I've never written so much in my life.

Blog: Maybe it's a computer error then because lately none of your blogs have been showing up.

Emily: Ah. No. I haven't written any blogs.

Blog: But you said...

Emily: Not here anyway, but I have written lots for Mslexia and one for the Writers' Hub.

Blog: Boring!

Emily: I'm also three chapters away from completing a serialised novel called Spray Painted Bananas. That's more than 75,000 words worth of free reading material. In fact I'm a bit gutted I won't be able to pitch it for publication now, I've grown quite attached to it.
 
Blog: Boo hoo... 'nanas schmanas...

Emily: What more do you want from me?

Blog: Wake me up when you post a blog.

Emily: So, you're not going to read my book?

Blog: Nope.

Emily: Even though I've been working on it for 4 months... for the love...  

Blog: Fine! Give me the link.

Emily: Thanks! Here it is.

Blog: Now sod off and write a blog.

Emily: Done!

Blog: Smartass.


Monday, 7 January 2013

A Brief Encounter with America

I've returned from America. The immediate consequence of this is that I no longer have a cute accent. People remarked on it in shops over there, 'Oh my gad, I just luuuve it!' was the general consensus.
 
Would I be right in thinking the British accent to an American is what a French accent is to a Brit?
 
Incidentally, part of my reason for going to America, apart from spending Christmas with my husband's family, was of course to correct my 6 year old nephew's pronunciation of Water. It's an annual exercise with repeatedly disappointing results and goes a bit like this:


Me: War-tah
Nephew: WARRA
Me: No, Waaaar-tah.
Nephew: WARRA!
Me: Oh whatever.

America is the place where I feel most British. Anywhere else I consider myself European with allegiances to two countries although little inclination to belt out the national anthem of either, and much less with a hand on my heart. Although to be fair, the Spanish anthem doesn't have any words, so I couldn't belt it out even if I wanted to. But in America I do feel and have fun being British. There I feel a desire to befuddle people with cockney rhyming slang or echo the well spoken characters of Enid Blyton books.
 
While secretly I think American spelling makes a lot of sense, there are some words I can't take seriously. For instance the word 'restroom'. A temple is a restroom, a yoga room is a restroom, but as for the lavatory... really? It's childish but I enjoy asking where the loo is, or the toilet is, because in America they sound like rude words.

America is different. More so than I expected. I didn't realise that they didn't have Boxing day over there or that they would look at me blankly when I asked for mulled wine. I asked for it at a fairground and the woman shook her head, 'This is a family park, we don't serve malt wine.' They didn't have any mulled, malt or ordinary wine in the family restaurant where we ate later. It seems quite common in America to separate alcohol from family establishments, which is strange, because when you're with all the family you generally need a proper drink. As for their no alcohol until 21 policy, don't get me started. You can be married, have kids, a driving license and own a gun by 18, but you can't have a drink... How did that happen?

 
What stands out most of all about The United States is that everything is bigger. My sister in law has a fridge that would be sold as a one bedroom flat if it were in London. The second thing that stands out for me, and I feel like a country bumpkin for saying this, but everything looks like it is in the films. Before we headed to Washington DC, we spent a couple of days in New York.
 
Arriving in the Big Apple was so exciting to me. I loved the traffic lights, the taxis and the policemen carrying their coffee and doughnuts. I loved the blinding lights and the bagels.

It's funny and wonderful how the ordinary for one person can be extraordinary for somebody else. That's the great thing about travel. So here's wishing that the New Year brings us all more adventures in distant places!


Tuesday, 18 December 2012

ShopGirl meets 'Bookshop Girl' - Jen Campbell



Jen Campbell in Watermark Books


I met Jen Campbell at a book-signing in Watermark Books in Kings Cross Station. I’m always excited to meet fellow shop people and exchange retail stories. I was also eager to meet her because like mine, her book started out as a blog, and blog-to-book stories happen to be one of my favourites!

I knew it was going to be good but I didn’t expect to be on the Tube in the middle of rush hour, crushed between arms and legs, reading it with a big grin on my face. It’s hilarious. HILARIOUS. It reminded me so much of working in my own shop; all the random requests and bizarre assumptions. I loved it and would recommend it as a great Christmas present for anyone who can read!

                                                      

Customer: What’s your name?
Bookseller: Jen.
Customer: Hmmm. I don’t like that name. Is it ok if I call you something else?




Customer: Do you have this children’s book I’ve heard about? It’s supposed to be very good. It’s called “Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe.”

                                                 



When did you start writing your blog and how did it become a book?

After a particularly strange day in May 2011, I started putting few examples of ‘weird things...’ up on my blog. They were never supposed to become a book, so what happened next was a wonderful surprise. The posts were very popular - the links were thrown around twitter by bookshops and publishers who found them funny. Neil Gaiman tweeted about them, and then blogged about them, which opened them up to a much wider audience, one of whom was Hugh, who works at Constable and Robinson. Hugh called me at the bookshop asking if I’d like to make a book of ‘Weird Things...’. Half an hour later he was standing in front of me in the bookshop. It was all very surreal. I’d just got an agent for my fiction, so Hugh and my agent had a chat, contracts were drawn up and I got on with writing it. It all happened rather quickly!

People have this silly idea that working in a bookshop is relaxing! Did you ever have time to blog/write in the shop?

Oh, if I had a pound for every time someone said to me ‘I’d love to work in a bookshop; you get to read all day!’ Very much not the case. There’s only ever one person in our bookshop (most of the time that person is me). I have to open up, deal with the buying and selling of books (I work in an antiquarian bookshop), assist customers who are in the shop/customers on the phone (sometimes both at once!); then there’s cataloguing the stock, researching for buyers, repairing books, doing the stocktake, internet orders, answering emails... the list goes on and on. There’s always a lot to do.

What’s the weirdest non-book request you’ve ever been asked?

Oh, if we sell iPod chargers, lottery tickets, Christmas trees...

I thought people only haggled at markets and chandelier shops, but no so! What was your cheekiest haggler? How do you deal with them?

The cheekiest - not even a haggle - was someone who wanted to take the dust jacket from a first edition we had, as they didn’t have a dust jacket on their own copy. He didn’t want to pay for it; he just wanted it, and wasn’t very pleased when I declined!

I read you have a section in your bookshop for toddlers. How do you avoid colossal damage being done to the shop and all your books?

I keep a beady eye on them. Obviously we want children to look at the books, but they can get a bit over-excited. Usually the parents are vigilant, but not always. The latter was more the case in Edinburgh (where I worked before moving to London, in a new independent bookshop). There was a boy who ripped the head off ‘the tiger who came to tea’ and whose parent really didn’t care, children who would climb bookshelves, and there were even parents who would leave their toddlers in the shop and disappear to Tesco next door to do their food shopping. It can be a bit stressful, but it keeps us on our toes!

What book have you found yourself mostly recommending this month?

The difficulty with an antiquarian bookshop is I can’t recommend the same book again and again as we only have one copy of a particular edition. But, for Christmas, lovely old editions of Alice, Orlando the Marmalade Cat, some signed Doctor Who books, and beautiful editions of fairy tales illustrated by Dulac, Arthur Rackham etc.

In life, outside of our older books, the books I’ve been recommending have been The Age of Miracles - Karen Thompson-Walker, Sweet Home - Carys Bray, New World Fairy Tales - Cassandra Parkin and Swimming Home - Deborah Levy. Poetry-wise, I’ve been recommending One Eye’d Leigh - Katharine Kilalea, A Body Made of You - Melissa Lee-Houghton and Tomorrow We Will Live Here - Ryan Van Winkle.

If you weren’t a bookseller, what would you be doing?

Erm... this question makes me panicky! Ha. Well, I’d be a writer (which is my other job, anyway), though that wouldn’t pay all the bills. Hmm. Perhaps I’d be an English Literature lecturer... I don’t know. I can’t really imagine not being a bookseller.

My local stationers says Kindles will never replace books, and that he's selling more paper than ever. Other people believe digital books will replace books in the next ten - twenty years. What's your opinion on the matter? Do you fear for your bookshop?

I fear for our bookshop but not really because of Kindle - because of the massive rise in the number of charity shops and because of huge discounts on books in supermarkets and on Amazon.

Re. e-readers: at the moment I think that there’s a definite split in the market. A lot of e-readers are bought as presents and are never used; a lot of people have been converted; some people say that they have an e-reader but still buy the paperback versions of the books they love. It’s so hard to predict. I don’t own an e-reader myself, and I hate that Amazon have the monopoly on the market. I completely understand the practicality of an e-reader; it’s just not for me (but I’m a bookseller; I would say that!). I love the smell of a book, the feel of it, and the actual event of going to a bookshop to look for a book to read; it’s about the whole experience as far as I’m concerned. Also, I read a lot of poetry and I think that loses something in translation from paperback to e-book.

What I think will happen is that e-books will continue to grow in popularity and, perhaps, the market may eventually end up being e-books and hardbacks. Physical books are going to become more and more about how they look; they will be gifts, beautiful objects to treasure. I love my paperbacks and I want them to stay, though, so I’ll have my fingers crossed for that. What I don’t want is the price of e-books to fall to an unsustainable level - which in some cases they are doing, and I hope the pirating of e-books is controlled as well as it can be. Ultimately I still want books to be valued, and seen as things that are worth paying money for. So many people work their socks off for a book to be produced, and it’s hard enough for writers to make a living as it is.

I’ve heard another book is on the horizon. Tell us more!

Indeed! I’ve just finished writing it. 'More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' will be published April 2013. We’re just finalising the cover at the moment, and then the lovely Brothers McLeod will illustrate it, as they did for the first volume.

In other writing, my poetry pamphlet ‘The Hungry Ghost Festival’ is published by The Rialto (that came out in July), and I’ve just finished writing my first full-length poetry collection called ‘the day we ran away from the circus,’ which we’ll be submitting to publishers in the new year. I’m also working on a novel. So, lots of different things. I’m looking forward to having a little bit of a break over Christmas, - reading lots of books, eating lots of cheese and having a glass or two of mulled wine. Oh yes. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas, too!


Jen’s Blog
Jen on Twitter 
Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops Facebook Page



                                                      *


Customer: Do you have a book that has a list of aphrodisiacs? I’ve got a date on Friday.



Wednesday, 5 December 2012

The Last of My Twenties



I turned 29 on Friday.

Two days prior I’d lain in bed staring up at the ceiling, feeling dissatisfied by this turn of events

Why did it bother me so much? I suppose I felt I hadn’t really worn out 28, or for that matter, 27. It seemed a bit wasteful, like throwing that plastic spoon away after one little stir of your takeaway coffee.

It’s a condition, getting grumpy about birthdays, passed on from my Dad. He doesn’t think much of aging. In fact he laughs in its face as does my 94 year old grandmother who has never displayed a grey hair in her life.

‘You can’t do much about it,’ people say. But I’m not so sure. A woman who used to work in our shop was 59 for six, long years so clearly she knew something.

I could have a baby at this age and it wouldn’t even be a shock. That shocks me.

What would I do if I had a baby?  

Write baby books?

If you think about it, being the target market a baby would be able to give me great tips. I’d have to decipher their gurgles of course but I’m sure there’s a self-published, ‘How to interpret your Baby’s Gurgles’ on kindle that I could download.  

I’m always curious to hear how writers cope with writing and looking after children.  I’ve got an image of a Big-Me and Mini-Me working side by side, me at big desk, Mini-Me at tiny desk and we’re both scribbling. Of course there is no nappy changing and the only one doing the crying is me, because I’m stuck on a chapter. Mini-Me is holding it together very nicely in fact. 

Wishful thinking? Not really. I’ve said it before I don’t want a child of mine chasing a career in the arts. No one wants to bring up a tortured soul, do they?

Back to the sad topic at hand: the last of my twenties and how I’m going to deal with it. My plan is to buy a sword, wear green for the foreseeable future, befriend a male fairy called Tinkerballs and fight pirates. Yes, it sounds pretty failure proof to me too.

If you’ve got any better suggestions, let me know.  

Before I embark on my end of twenties crisis however, I’m going to The States to spend my first Christmas ever away from home. This year I’ll be spending it with my husband’s family which is exciting as they know how to have a good time.

I’m sure we’ll do very Christmassy things like cut down a tree, wear garish knitwear and spike Santa’s milk. So, if you don’t hear from me here, you now know it’s either because I’m caught up in fairy lights or chasing Pirates around The White House with a sawn off pine tree.

I will continue to be showing signs of life on Wattpad with regular updates of my serialised novel SPRAY PAINTED BANANAS and as a Guest blogger for Mslexia Magazine.

So, toodle-pip for now and may your Christmas be full of pleasant surprises. 


Sunday, 18 November 2012

Author Interview: Paul Bassett Davies





Paul Bassett Davies is a writer, director and actor. Over the years he has written for dozens of British radio and television shows, working with some of the biggest names in comedy, as well as writing several BBC radio plays. He also wrote the screenplay for the feature animation children's film The Magic Roundabout. His new sitcom 'Reception' is broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in June 2013.






This month his debut novel, UTTER FOLLY, has been published on kindle. I didn’t need much persuasion to buy it. If you follow him on Twitter you'll already know he’s consistently hilarious. It's an honour to have him on my blog. 



UTTER FOLLY

The novel is a wicked comedy about an English country house weekend. When a young man visits a well-to-do friend’s family he learns some harsh lessons about love, loyalty, and the landed gentry, as his friend’s barely-legal sister tries to seduce him, he becomes a suspect in the efforts of a deranged policeman to nail a local retired rock star for drug trafficking, and ends up with all his illusions about the upper classes – including his friends – demolished.”



This is your first novel and some people might be wondering why such a prolific writer as yourself took so long! Have you been carrying this idea around with you for some time?

I came up with the idea for this book many years ago. I originally wanted to do it as a serial, and persuade people to subscribe to it, paying to receive the next chapter, once a month. This would motivate me to write to a deadline, and also emulate the way that my hero, Dickens, wrote much of his work. It wasn't a bad idea, but I got involved in other things, and the book went to the back of my mind to simmer on a low heat, which tells me I wasn't ready to write it. I eventually began it about three years ago, by which time I think it had cooked for long enough.


There are lots of ridiculous scenes in 'Utter Folly'. I particularly loved the doomed Bingo game which made me laugh out loud. How much research did you do? And honestly, what is the most you've ever won at Bingo?

I have to be careful about admitting to how much research I did as there is quite a lot about drugs in the book, and also some bizarre sex. So I'll just mutter inaudibly about that. As for the Bingo scene, it's based on something that happened to me in my youth. A lot of the things in the book are based on my own experience, and on people I've known. However, nobody is going to recognise themselves, as the characters are drawn from several different actual people, plus a lot that's purely invented. So, put away the writs, libel lawyers. I think I can honestly say that I've never won anything at Bingo. A couple of years ago the Bingo industry spent a lot of money on PR in an attempt to rebrand it's image, and convince people it wasn't just for old ladies. There was a spate of TV ads showing hip young people having a groovy time at the Bingo game. I don't think it worked.


James, your main character, is a city boy who doesn’t have the relaxing country weekend he expected. What’s your personal preference, city life or country life? 

I lived in the country for a while, in the West of England, where most of the book is based. However, I was also living in Bristol at the same time, as a result of trying to have more than one girlfriend. Which didn't really work. But I love that part of the world, and my favourite type of countryside is in Somerset and Devon. It really is England's green and pleasant land. Given the right opportunity I think I'd like to end up back there.


Do you have a position on fox hunting? 

I'd like to know how the fox feels about it. In general I'm not keen on hunting unless you eat what you kill. But even then I have doubts when it comes to grouse and pheasants. They are probably the stupidest creatures in creation. There is no sport at all in killing them. A baby could do it with a stick. A pheasant is so dumb that if you went to a quiet country lane and placed an open pan of boiling water on a small primus stove in the middle of the road, eventually a pheasant would climb in.


Which character did you enjoy writing most and why?

Great Aunt Prudence, probably. She's so old, aristocratic and entitled that she simply doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. I also liked writing Jarvis, the cop who becomes increasingly demented, although in some ways you have to be more careful and controlled than ever if you try to write about people being crazy. Someone simply raving isn't interesting. What's interesting is that people who are undergoing what we describe as a psychotic breakdown actually have a very logical, coherent and complex view of the world; it's just different from the one that most of us would call sane.


The writing process has been described endlessly and usually as a form of torture. Writer @Matthaig1 recently tweeted:  ‘Writing a novel is like trying to squeeze an elephant through a doorway. And equally likely to end in crap’. How was the process for you?

It's hard work but I love it. I'm very, very lucky. To be able to make a living as a writer, as I have done for at least some parts of my life, doing what I most love in the world, is wonderful. I consider myself blessed.


What time of day do you write best? And with what beverage, if any? 

I am very undisciplined. I try to write in the morning but not until I've had some coffee. I sometimes do some more in the afternoon and evening. I often do quite a lot of thinking before I sit at my desk. I do good work in the bath, and going for walks. Writers always have problem convincing their partners that they're actually working, when it appears that they're snoozing on the couch. It's very unfair on the partner, and I feel sorry for anyone who lives with a writer, including children and pets. When I was a lot younger I used to write under the influence of various things. It felt good, and I'd be convinced I was writing pages and pages of pure genius. Then you read it in the morning and you'd find that nearly all of it was trash. I used to reckon that you'd get about an hour of reasonable work and the rest was useless. I don't recommend it. You've got to be in it for the long game, and you need to look after yourself. Just say no, kids.


Will you be writing more novels in the future?

Yes. I've nearly finished the next one. It's called 'Dead Writers in Rehab,' because it saves having to explain what it's about.


You’re currently working on a new BBC sitcom for Radio 4. Are you allowed to tell us anything about it?

I'm not going to. There's not much to say. It's a simple set up. It's all about the characters. Character first, then story, then jokes. I don't like disclosing too much about what I'm writing in case I jinx it. I'm not superstitious - just slightly stitious. A lot of writers are like that, which is an interesting dilemma, because one of the ways you're meant to build an online profile, and engage with readers, is by talking to them about what you're doing. I didn't talk much about the content of 'Utter Folly' while I was writing it. But I did something I don't think anyone else had thought of yet: I held an online book launch party on Twitter and created a hashtag: #VirtualBookLaunch. That was fun.


Have you got any tips for aspiring writers?

Just one. Persevere.


UTTER FOLLY is available to BUY  from Amazon for just £2.49


Paul Basset Davies blogs at www.thewritertype.blogspot.com



Friday, 16 November 2012

The Dangers of Writing Who You Know



Imagine that a character in your book walks into your workplace frothing at the mouth because they know what you’ve done. 

They've read every word you've written about them and they don't like it.

This is the subject of my GUEST BLOG for Wattpad. 

Read more.



Friday, 2 November 2012

How to Write a Serialized Novel


Materials Required: Cork board, post-its, map pins, pens,
mug of hot liquid, laptop

Prepare – Write a big chunk of the book before you post the first chapter. Otherwise you risk being unable to produce Chapter 2 which could lead to an inferiority complex and the belief that you're a useless writer with no ideas. The latter may be true but there’s no need to let the world know.

Get out of bed – Obvious and yet often quite tricky. You must resist the urge to melt into the warm embrace of your partner, cat, dog, chimp, water bottle, pillow... Do not be fooled by the voice, inner or otherwise, that calls out for ‘Five more minutes’. Before you know it 5 minutes have turned into an hour of strange dreams and your writing slot has come and gone. Remind yourself that the reward of completing a serialized novel will be much greater than a few more minutes cuddling someone or something that you may well be cuddling for the rest of your life anyway.  

Fuel – Put the kettle on while your computer is warming up. A hot tea will replace the cuddles you have sacrificed by getting up early. Tea, in this case, refers to any hot liquid in a mug, including coffee, perfumed herbal stuff (although I can’t recommend it) and water with something in it, like a floating lemon, slice of orange or spoon of honey. Don’t be too imaginative, you need to save your imagination  for your upcoming chapters.

Write  - The first hour is crucial. Do not check your mail, do not tweet, do no comment on banal facebook statuses, do not comment on interesting facebook statuses, do not ‘like’ anything. Write. Write. Write. Don’t edit, don’t reread. Don't play about with the font. Don't text people to tell them that you finally did it, you finally got up early to write. Just write damn it! 

Edit –  Edit a chapter a couple of days before you post it. For the purpose of continuity you might need to read the whole book from time to time. It might be that you've forgotten your character is supposed to have a limp, in which case you’ll need to reinstate it (he’ll forgive you in time).

Trust – Your pre-written chunk of novel provides a buffer when you get stuck. When this unhappy time comes and you’re staring at a blank screen with tears in your eyes and demons in your mind, keep calm. ‘Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen,’ said the essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson (along with a bunch of other people on twitter). You have committed to this project and you will finish it. Sit on the floor with your cork board of post-its and trust that an idea will come.

Spray Painted Banana story board looking healthier now & ... on Twitpic

My serialized novel SPRAY PAINTED BANANAS is live on Wattpad.com 
I post chapters every Monday and Thursday.